It is recommended you read forward only if you ever at least attempted to program in Java.
* Chuck Norris serializes objects straight into human skulls.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t deploy web applications, he roundhouse kicks them into the server.
* Chuck Norris always uses his own design patterns, and his favorite is the Roundhouse Kick.
* Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.
* Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your web app will turn into a swing application, and a very bad swing application containing lots of icons of human skulls.
* Chuck Norris demonstrated the meaning of Float.POSITIVE_INFINITY by counting to it, twice.
* A synchronize doesn’t protect against Chuck Norris, if he wants the object, he takes it.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t use javac, he codes java by using a binary editor on the class files.
* Chuck Norris’ java code never needs to be optimized. His code is so fast that it broke the speed of light during a test run in Sun’s labs killing 37 people.
* When someone attempts to use one of Chuck Norris’ deprecated methods, they automatically get a roundhouse kick to the face at compile time.
* The java.lang package originally contained a ChuckNorris class, but it punched its way out the package during a design review and roundhouse kicked Bill Joy in the face.
* Chuck Norris never has a bug in his code, EVER!
* Chuck Norris doesn’t write code. He stares at a computer screen until he gets the progam he wants.
* Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
* Chuck Norris’ binary edited classes ignore Java bytecode verifier.
* Chuck Norris methods doesn’t catch exceptions becuase no one has the guts to throw any at them.
* Chuck Norris will cast a value to any type just by staring at it.
* If you get a ChuckNorrisException you’ll probably die.
* Chuck Norris is the only one who can use goto and const in Java.
* Chuck Norris can compile Java code in .NET Framework, obviously just by staring at it.
* Chuck dont need to catch an Exception because Java is afraid of the “flying tornado kick” at the moment it throws
* Chuck Norris’s code can roundhouse kick all other Java Objects’ privates
* Java visibility levels are public, default, protected, private and “protected by Chuck Norris”, don’t try to access a field with this last modifier!!
* Chuck Norris eats JavaBeans and Roundhouse Kicks JavaServer Faces!
* Chuck Norris can divide by 0!
* Garbage collector only runs on Chuck Norris code to collect the bodies.
* Chuck Norris code uses agressive heap natively
* Every single line code of Chuck Norris runs in real time. Even in a multi threading application.
* When a CPU load a Chuck Norris class file, it doubles the speed.
* Chuck Norris can execute 64bit lenght instructions in a 32bit CPU.
* Chuck Norris implements “Indestructible”. All the other creatures implements “Killable”.
* Chuck Norris only program Java web applications to get a .WAR in the end.
* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a Java class very hard. The result is known as a inner class.
* Chuck Norris can do multiple inheritance in Java.
* JVM never throws exceptions to Chuck Norris, not anymore. 753 killed Sun engineers is enough.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t need unit tests because his code always work. ALWAYS.
* Chuck Norris extends God.
* Chuck Norris workstation has so memory and it’s so powerful that he could run all java applications in the world and get 2% of resources usage.
* Chuck Norris codes generics since 1.3.
* Chuck Norris’ classes can’t be decompiled… don’t bother trying.
Identifying & using formal & informal vocabulary
Copypasted from http://www.englishonline.org.cn
A student preparing for IELTS (International English Language Testing System) sent me this query: “I don’t know if ‘spark off’ is a formal word or not. How can I tell the difference between formal and informal words?” Here’s what I said to her in my reply:
English has three main styles: formal, informal and popular.
Formal English
Formal English is mainly used in writing. This style is academic in tone and is commonly used in academic textbooks, most university essays, business letters and contracts.
In the case of speaking, formal English is usually only used for official or serious occasions, e.g., to formally welcome guests at a university graduation ceremony.
Formal English uses more complex vocabulary than everyday speech. For example, it uses many “bigger” words that aren’t normally used in conversation. Examples are multi-syllable words like compensate, ascend and interrogate. It also prefers one-part verbs (e.g., establish) instead of simpler, phrasal verbs (e.g., set up). Slang and colloquial vocabulary are avoided.
When formal English is used in writing, sentences tend to be long and complex, and grammar rules are followed strictly. It tends to be impersonal (or neutral), often using impersonal pronouns like it and passive verbs. Contracted and abbreviated forms of words are usually avoided.
Informal & popular English
Informal English is the language spoken by most people every day. It’s also widely used in emails and letters to friends.
Speakers of informal English aren’t very concerned about their vocabulary. For example, informal English uses many short words (e.g., fire, climb and ask), much colloquial vocabulary (e.g., stuff, a lot of, thing and sort of) and multi-part verbs (e.g., set up instead of establish). Informal English is also more relaxed about grammar rules than formal English, using simpler grammatical structures and loosely-connected sentences and phrases.
When used in writing, informal English uses first and second person points-of-view (e.g., I, you and we) to create a more personal style than formal English. Contractions (e.g., it’s instead of it is) are also very common. As well, informal English tends to use shorter sentences than in more formal writing, and the more formal punctuation marks − the semi-colon (;) and colon (:) − are usually avoided.
Popular English is rarely used in writing, being used mostly in spoken English. It includes a good bit of slang. Slang is words or expressions that are very informal and are not considered suitable for polite speech or more formal situations. Slang is often used only by particular social groups or professions.
More on phrasal verbs
When people speak or write informally, they often use phrasal verbs (also called multi-word or multi-part verbs). Here are some examples. The formal, one-word verb with the same meaning is in brackets.
Phrasal verbs & single-word equivalents
ask for (request) go down with (contract)
set up (establish) deal with (handle)
find out (discover) take in (deceive)
Phrasal verbs are very common in spoken English. However, they’re usually less formal than their one-word verb equivalents.
In formal writing, writers often prefer to use single-word verbs, such as examine or devise, rather than phrasal verbs, such as look at or come up with. Compare the pairs of verbs in the next table.
Though there’s a tendency to use fewer phrasal verbs in formal language, it’s not wrong to use them. Nevertheless, if there’s a one-word verb that’s more formal, then use it.
Don’t think that a few phrasal verbs in your IELTS writing will make it too informal. In fact, there are many situations - even in quite formal texts - when a phrasal verb is the most natural-sounding way of expressing an idea. For instance, put on is much more natural than the formal, single-word equivalent don.
Informal
More formal
He checked up on his accountant. He investigated his accountant.
They put up with their neighbours. They tolerated their neighbours.
She caught on very quickly. She understood very quickly.
She made up for it with an early night. She compensated for it with an early night.
He went down with a fever. He contracted a fever.
The cost of living went up. The cost of living increased/rose.
Telling the difference
It’s usually easy to decide if a word is informal or formal. Informal words are those common, ordinary and familiar words that people use every day, whereas formal words tend to be the more “serious” and less frequently used words. Often, formal words are longer than informal words. Single-word verbs are also usually more formal than their phrasal verb equivalents.
For instance, saying something is enormous is formal, but saying it’s whopping is informal. Phrases like on the one hand or as indicated above are formal, but phrases like by the way or that reminds me are informal. Note that some informal words are more formal than other informal words. The informal verb understand, for example, is more formal than the informal verb get. However, both are less formal than the formal verb comprehend.
IELTS uses a semi-formal style
The IELTS website says academic essays may use “a neutral or slightly formal style of writing.”
This means your IELTS academic writing may use slightly less formal vocabulary (e.g., phrasal verbs like spark off instead of cause) as well as words that are more formal. It may also use the complex grammar of formal English, or it may use slightly simpler grammatical structures.
However, the more formal the vocabulary and the more complex the grammar is, the higher the IELTS score. In the case of vocabulary, for instance, the scoring scheme gives higher scores when “less common” or “uncommon lexical items” (words or phrases) are used − which is what formal vocabulary is. Click here to see the scoring scheme.
Here’s my advice for vocabulary for academic essays in the IELTS exam:
* Use a more formal one-word verb if it sounds more appropriate than its phrasal verb equivalent.
* Avoid using a personal or conversational style (as if you’re talking to the examiner). Therefore, try not to use words like I, me, my, you, we, us and our. Though these words are widely used in informal writing and in spoken English, they’re generally thought to be too personal and too casual for formal, academic writing.
If you wish, you may use the pronoun I to introduce your opinions. However, I recommend that you limit its use to the introduction and the closing paragraph. That way, you’ll avoid the risk of making your essay sound too conversational or overly personal.
*
Avoid words or phrases used mainly in normal conversation as they’re usually not suitable for use in academic writing. Dictionaries often identify these words with the label “informal.” In your essay, use a more formal equivalent. Here are some examples:
Avoid Use
kids children
OK all right; acceptable
a lot of much; many
heaps many; a great deal
* Never use colloquial English or slang. Colloquial English is a type of informal English, and it includes words such as gonna or wanna, and phrases such as ain’t nothin’ and dead as a doornail. Dictionaries usually mark colloquial words and phrases with a label like “colloq.” Because colloquial English and slang are usually spoken rather than written, they’ll make your academic writing sound too conversational and so less credible.
* Although it’s usual to contract words in spoken and informal written English (e.g., can’t, won’t, shouldn’t and hasn’t), it’s better to avoid using any contractions in your academic essay.
*
Avoid abbreviating words in academic writing. Don’t say yrs, e.g. (which stands for the original Latin exempli gratia and means “for example”) or i.e. (which stands for the original Latin id est and means “that is”). Instead, write the words in full using their English equivalents (years, for example and that is).
Glossary
slang (noun) - informal language that is usually spoken and used especially by certain groups of people
colloquial (adjective) - words or expressions that are informal and more suitable for use in speech
contract (verb) - to shorten something
tendency (noun) - a likelihood to do something
Discussion
What are the three main styles of English? Which style should you use for your IELTS academic writing? Why?
Apart from using many short words in informal English, what other differences can you point out between informal and formal English?
Have you checked the scoring scheme for the writing test? How will you evaulate your own writing in the areas of lexical resource and grammatical range and accuracy?
After reading this article, can you compile a list of words or phrases that should not be used when writing your IELTS academic essay?
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Identifying & using formal & informal vocabulary
